By the definitions referred to in this story my washing machine is conscious. Such a low bar to hit, such an insult to truly conscious beings.

The First Magic Mile in any scientific explanation is the Wizard Walk over the bottomless gorge of ignorance about how we know anything at all — how, that is, are we conscious?

Of course, when the subject is consciousness itself we are always already deeply on our way to complete idiocy.

Congratulations on this tour de force.